Poker’s funniest and most shocking slowrolls

Posted by on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018

Slowrolling in poker terminology means taking an inordinate amount of time before calling an all-in bet when last to act and holding the best hand. In live games it can also be to delay in showing the best hand at showdown. It is considered to be unsportsmanlike and very poor poker etiquette.

As an example, imagine that you push all-in with a king-high flush on an unpaired board. There’s only one hand that beats you and that’s the ace-high flush. So when your opponent delays and seems to be having difficulty deciding what to do, you have to assume you have the best hand. After all, if he had the ace he’d have nothing to think about, would he? Your expectations are artificially raised so you have that much further to fall when he does eventually show you the nuts. This will make many players very angry indeed.

So why do people slowroll? To induce tilt; because they bear a grudge; because they just think it’s funny; schadenfreude; because they’re assholes. Any combination of these, really. Actually, the most common reason may well be that it’s unintentional. When playing poker online, delays can be caused by connection problems or players multi-tabling, so don’t automatically assume the worst if it happens to you.

Slowrolling may be bad etiquette but it can also be very funny – as long as you’re not on the wrong end of it, of course. So let’s take a look at some of the most ridiculous poker slowrolls of recent times. Where better to start when dealing with the ridiculous than Hollywood:

Maverick Mel Gibson – the biggest scumbag slowroller of all time.

Poor old Angel. He wasn’t the brightest gas lamp in the saloon, was he?
“How you gonna know if you can beat my straight flush?” he croaks.
“Do what, fish?”
“I said, how you gonna know if you can beat my straight flush?”
“Errrm… Dunno. Look at my cards?”

Then Maverick really shows how to showboat slowroll. He milks it for all it’s worth, ultimately feigning defeat. Observing Angel’s relief, Mav then nonchalantly tosses the winning card – and the band starts playing. Wow! Tony G eat your heart out! What an asshole! But you gotta admire his timing. It’s back to the micros for Angel.

You’re never too old to s-l-o-w-r-o-l-l

96 year-old, Jack Ury could really teach these young internet punks a thing or two about slowrolling. Just love his “You’re in trouble!” comment. He didn’t want to let go of those cards, did he?

The most stupid slowroll ever

The following clip is taken from the World Cup of Poker, 2010. This tournament is between national teams, where members take turns to play the team stack. If a player gets knocked out, his whole team is eliminated. Each team is allowed to call one time-out In the tournament to discuss a difficult hand with teammates:

Tough decision, eh? The commentators said it all, but what was Cornils thinking? It’s hard to believe that he really didn’t know what to do, or so much lacked confidence that he had to consult with his teammates first. But what other explanation is there? Could it be that the pressure of being responsible for possibly eliminating his team and country was such that he could no longer think straight? It sounds extreme but it must be correct, mustn’t it? Unfortunately for Cornils most people are not so charitably minded. The Canadian, Suharto was the only winner here.

How to slowroll and lose

Not a true slowroll as Phil didn’t check his second card, but no less enjoyable for that.
“Hellmuth and Negreanu lose to a qualifier – A QUALIFIER!” broken-voicedly screams the overexcited hyperbole monkey on the mike. Yeah, go figure, Bud.
Dontcha just love American sports commentators?
“And this commentary comes to you from a retard – A RETARD!”

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